Power of Pain

Do you know pain? Have you experienced pain?

Pain takes away your whole self and leaves you feeling like nothing. It leaves you feeling like you don't deserve anything or worse you are not worth it. Pain hurts!

I've lived with pain for so long it's taking away my happiness. It's depriving me of life. Well some may say "only you can decide to be happy and let pain go"

Most of the time such people haven't experienced what pain is. How pain can damage you. How pain can lead you to suicide. How pain can lead you to anger problems. How pain can depress you.

Emotional pain is the worst you could ever go through. It's a permanent scar that not even all those products can rub away. Emotional pain kills. It's too hard to forget, even if you do, somehow the memory of it comes back and when it does, huh, you relapse.

I don't know how many times I've tried to forget, to heal, to move on.

I relied on my dad for everything comfort. I didn't even on my worst day think he would leave me. With my dad I was always ready. Always happy and I knew he's got my back.

Growing up is a challenge hey. Not easy to face. However one step at a time and one day at a time. It Hurst. What? You ask? PAIN. 

Sometimes I just sit in my car and cry listening to music. I take long drives to try and get better. Does it work? For me, only for that time. 

Betrayal as well is most damaging pain one could experience. People turn to belittle you to make themselves feel better. You allow it? I honestly do, I don't know why. 

What do you do when you  are hurt? How do you deal with hurt? 

Apparently you have to make a choice to live with it or to fight it. You let it run you or let it go? 

I pray to get over this pain. I pray to get over this hurt. I pray for my emotional and physical well-being. I pray for myself. I pray for you. 

Happy Birthday Papa

So its Saturday, the 18th of July,2020. Few hours to your birthday. I write this not with a broken heart but also not with joy in my heart. On this day last year, you were in hospital 🏥. Nothing was making sense. I was at work, never managed to focus on my work since i knew you were admitted. Life has never been the same. No gossips (yeah i used to gossip with my dad) no laughs, no random calls, nothing. It was silent which caused a lot of loudness in my mind. I used to blame you for leaving me, yes i still do (still wrong of me) because you were my best friend, my pops, my ninja and most of all granddad to my baby girl whom even today cant stop asking why are we not going to see mkhulu.

 

🌼 Pops, daddy my Daddy ♥️ Only those who know me, know you are my world 🗺. A day wouldn't pass without us talking. I remember how you didn't want me to get married 👰 🤣🤣 oh this guy. He ddnt want to lose his daughter. I understood though but ive grown-up lol.  We had our first father's day without you. Remember you didn't care who wishes you a happy father's day as long as i havent said anything its not a happy father's day 🤣. Wena ntse o actor bruh 🤣.

Man i pray you are a good angel 😇 and looking after us, your kids, your family. On your birthday last year i had to call the hospital to wish you the happiest birthday even though you were in pain. I love you so much papa. I will never stop. To me you were the best, Lepogo laka. 🌸 Maaan i had an awesome time of my life with you. My whole 28 years of life with you were bliss. I was the happiest daughter and i will always cherish the moments we had. Bruh you were the best. I'd call to tell you i cant enter vasity gates 🤣 due to unpaid school fees 🤣 ooh my dad would be at MGI gates within 2 hours to teach people how to do their jobs. 🤣🤣 Wena ntse ole Lapara laka my dad.

You never shouted at me 🤣 oh wow i was the best daughter i tell you. I only got shouted when my siblings were messing up. Enklek that was you ranting on me 🤣. Man i miss you papa. I love you papa. Happy birthday papa. Dumedisa koko, Rakgolo, Sello (maflex), Marumo, Nkola, Walter le babangwe ka moka. Ba botse morwedi wa gago are Agee ka lerato🌸❤️♥️. BATHOKWA😌

Your Next Relationship

Rebecca Masina 🐾

We too in a rush to get into the next relationship before letting go of the past. A new relationship means a fresh start, a genuine heart, love, comfort, honesty and happiness. So; tell us where are you going with the past? It may not be easy to let go of the past but again how do you begin to love with previous hurt?
You cant go into the next relationship broken. No you definitely can't. You have to give it your all. If you have doubts, then dont go foward with it. I suggest you take your time to heal, discover yourself, spend more time with your family or friends. Learn and enjoy being you. Give yourself time. Falling in love is the best feeling ever. Yes we all want that feeling but whats the use if you doing it for the wrong reasons?

How you can show your love:

• To love someone is to accept them fully for who they are, imperfections and all.

• Support and nurture them. 
• Learn the language of 😍 love. 
• Know and understand when loving means letting go. 
• True love begins at home, remember that. 

Music Unites South Africa

Rebecca Masina

A dark cloud has fallen on South Africa 🌍 and the rest of the world. Covid-19 has brought a lot of changes in our everyday life. Due to this corona virus, we are now in quarantine and self isolation. Some countries took 3 months of it and others less. South Africa 🌍  was served with 21 days of isolation.
Knowing how SA citizens dont listen or take everything serious, most are still going out and traveling in numbers. It is gonna be very hard to curve this virus should we keep doing this. Ignorance is a killer. A silence one but a quick one.

On a Lighter Note

With this quarantine taking place and having most places such as your clubs and shishanyamas closed. @djshimza01 and @iam_ph came up with an awesome idea to keep South Africans entertained. So every Friday and Saturday night from 6pm to 00h00, we are blessed with the most talented artists in south Africa. They keep us glued to @channelO with great music 🎶. The djs cover every genre. So everyone is catered for and entertained. Twitter is blazing every friday and Saturday night. South African is united and havimg a good time together in the comfort of their homes. Together but isolated. This is an awesome initiative from  Shimza and PH. We salute you guys for uniting SA during this hard times.

Will I Ever?

Loss is the most difficult thing to deal with. Its hard, nothing i do really helps. Its been months, well 8 months to be precise. To date i still cant believe. It feels like yesterday. I have lost the will to live, the will to even be happy for a moment. I feel like whats the point even. I havent even went to my dads grave to date since we burried him with the thought that one day someone will say it was a joke or a prank. I have so much to tell him, ask him and also thank him for. I am not my dads last borns but hey i feel like I am. With him i couldn't even care what happens. My dad was my happy place. Now i dont even know who or where to turn to. I spent my whole life with him but i still wish for more time with him. I dont even know if i will ever be ok. I am hurt, too hurt. Can this pain pass already.

Raising A Girl Child in South Africa

By Rebecca Masina

South Africa has become one of the top countries where raising a girl child has become very impossible. The country has become one of the most dangerous places to raise a girl child. Women and children are being kidnapped and killed left right and center. In a day over 100 cases of missing girls are opened. The results always end up with a body having to be identified. Our girls are now the biggest targets and they are no longer safe.

What do we when our own are killing us? What did we do for you to be on a female killing spree? Tell us so we can apologize. Tell us so we can know better. We are your sisters, your aunts, your nieces, your friends, your mothers,
Your grandparents, your wives and more. Are we wrong to be in this world? Where should we run to when you, our shields are now killing us?

Women are being raped and killed every day. How long is this going to take? We are afraid of going to school, work and other places. We live in fear. Is that how things are supposed to be? We plead with you. Stop killing us.

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February ❤️The Love Month 2020

By Rebecca Masina. 

That month is here! Are you ready? 🤗 Most believe that February is a month of love and one should be spending the month if not the 14th with their loved ones. Its a day that is considered to be an appreciation day, where partners honor each other with love, gifts and more. Do you celebrate the love month? Or for you its just like any other day? Well; we not saying you wrong. We all have our own opinions and feelings about this month and its theme. However check out our top ten list of things to do with your bae on this love month.

Top 10 Things to do with Bae This Valentines Day

1. Have a picnic day at botanical garden.
2. Take cooming or baking class
3. Join a dance class
4.  Book a fancy hotel
5. Dress up and go out on a date night
6. Netflix together
7. Take a long hot relaxing bath together
8. Go out and sing your heart out of karaoke 🎤
9. Go to an ice rink
10. Exchange gifts/ write top 10 reasons why you chose each other and read them to each other.

Lets talk,

How do you feel about valentines day?

Oh Lord, This Is Too Much!

2019, one of the worst years ever I've experienced. This year, not only have I lost my dad, I have now lost 3 of my close friends. How do I deal with all of this? Who will I talk to? Who will mock me? I have lost more than I can afford to lose. This is draining me. It's taking a lot of my  energy. I cant focus. My mind is all over. Ohh Tebogo, childhood friend. Gone just like that. Nico, childhood friend. Gone like that. Lutendo, the one that drives me crazy 🤪 because he doesn't listen. Also gone just like that. Shuuu this 3 knew me very well and understood me. I will miss you so much ❤ ❤ ❤. You've been soo real to me. Managed to make me smile on my bad days. Lutendo, lol you the worst. Carrying my bag from school to home and having to walk back to Umthambeka. Taking your one and only cell phone 📱 and give it to me without asking questions. Dude not to mention the airtime we got me and Kgomotso Makgato. You were a big part of our lives, you will always be. You never judged us or gave us any reasons to doubt you. With you, we were always happy. Lol 😂 you'd dodge work just to make sure my events are well guarded. Talk about (protect and serve)Dude who will mock us? Lutendo!!! 😭💔😞. Please be a good Angel 😇 to your family, your son and to us your friends. Rest in peace Tendy. Luhaha, Mr Levi's 🤣😂. Rest easy buddy.

Finding Healing

It's been two months since I've burried my dad. The only person who filled the friend, boyfriend and father positions in my life. I dont know how I've managed to make it this far without him. Dad, I miss you. Since he's been gone I don't want to lie, it's hard to make friends, to go out and socialize. All I do is to remain indoors and do nothing. Ive lost my sense of life. I turn to go deep in thoughts and lose myself. Will this pain ever end?. Those that know the pain of losing a parent say with time i will be fine. I honestly doubt. The relationship I had with my dad was more than just a dad and daughter relationship. I've lost the will to do anything. I miss you pops. I love you so much daddy.

No Feelings I'm Numb

I don't even know what heading to give to this page. You know when one is hit by tragedy, first people to support you should be your immediate family. Well ke on my case friends became my immediate family. I recently lost my dad, the only person who gets me proper, the only man I trust In  this physical world. I went to hospital every weekend, not even my own mother would ask hows your dad or how is your journey or let alone how are you? Huh aint mothers supposed to be our backbones though? Well I guess I aint the lucky. As for my siblings well we don't share the same father so I guess it's that thing of argh we also went through the same thing, so you can also survive. Growing up huh? Then yall say your immediate family is your true family. Oh ok alright! My dad passed. Did anyone ask how are you, how are you doing, what's the plan, funeral arrangements? Well none. Not even the so called causins. In such situations I believe this is where families come together and help each other to deal with this ordeal. I went from A to Z alone. Not even a single sole from my mother's family said or did anything. Maybe it's true that you would never understand untill it happens to you. Do I blame them? Nope. Do I forget? Hell No. You see a family that has favorites neh? It never comes together. A family with people who think they are better than the others, never come together. Basically there's no love and respect. We need to learn to respect each other's hustles and appreciate the little things they do or give. Share simple happy moments together. I know they don't like my father and they never did but what they did was Savage😪. To date none has said anything even my own mother. But well it's life after all right?. I'm going through this whole situation alone and I'm honestly trying so hard to be fine. Thanks to supportive friends and dads siblings. Rakgadi, Rangwane Kea leboga. It will never be the same I know but hey I'm learning day by day. Going through counseling for abuse encountered from my then husband and the loss of my father and Im doing OK. It will take time but I know I will be good. I try by all means to write all this hurt so that I can release it from my heart and live better🤗🌺💖. I myself am not an angel. I have my own wrongs and I hope if there's anything wrong I did that I didn't notice, please tell me and I will humbly apologize🌞.  I sometimes contamplate on suicide because of all this, especially when there's no support from home and everyone just gives you the look and say nothing. God kele ngwana wa gao ketla mo pele ga Gago, ke kgopela maatla, bohlale le bophelo. Amen🎗️🙏

Dear Dad...

Everything was fine, everything was going ok. How did we get to this stage? Is this really happening? Vele i lost you? Just like that? Dude the pain you left me with i cant bare it. Its way too painful daddy. I want to believe that you are in a better place now. Where theres no pain. Yes pops you were in so much pain i didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to talk to you. But i was always there by your side. You couldn't even see me properly, you only knew it was me because of my voice. I watched you every weekend screaming in pain. It was way much for me to handle. However I've never thought that you would leave me. I prayed day in and out. The last time i saw you was the most painful day of my life. How you were screaming of pain  how you were breathing. You didn't even look like the guy i know. My best friend... Ive never lived my life not even a week would pass without us talking. Now no you and i dont know how to begin. Daddy ntse ole strong hlem, what happened? Theres so much i wanted to tell you. The last weekend i saw you i asked you to heal and you said ketla leka ngwanaka... Those words they gave me hope daddy. I held your fingers and your vibrating yeeer. Kanty that was your goodbye. You know im your girl and without you things are gonna be hard. 💞 Dude can i see you one last time ke??? Papa.. Love you soo much... And you know that!