Oh Lord, This Is Too Much!

2019, one of the worst years ever I've experienced. This year, not only have I lost my dad, I have now lost 3 of my close friends. How do I deal with all of this? Who will I talk to? Who will mock me? I have lost more than I can afford to lose. This is draining me. It's taking a lot of my  energy. I cant focus. My mind is all over. Ohh Tebogo, childhood friend. Gone just like that. Nico, childhood friend. Gone like that. Lutendo, the one that drives me crazy 🤪 because he doesn't listen. Also gone just like that. Shuuu this 3 knew me very well and understood me. I will miss you so much ❤ ❤ ❤. You've been soo real to me. Managed to make me smile on my bad days. Lutendo, lol you the worst. Carrying my bag from school to home and having to walk back to Umthambeka. Taking your one and only cell phone 📱 and give it to me without asking questions. Dude not to mention the airtime we got me and Kgomotso Makgato. You were a big part of our lives, you will always be. You never judged us or gave us any reasons to doubt you. With you, we were always happy. Lol 😂 you'd dodge work just to make sure my events are well guarded. Talk about (protect and serve)Dude who will mock us? Lutendo!!! 😭💔😞. Please be a good Angel 😇 to your family, your son and to us your friends. Rest in peace Tendy. Luhaha, Mr Levi's 🤣😂. Rest easy buddy.

Finding Healing

It's been two months since I've burried my dad. The only person who filled the friend, boyfriend and father positions in my life. I dont know how I've managed to make it this far without him. Dad, I miss you. Since he's been gone I don't want to lie, it's hard to make friends, to go out and socialize. All I do is to remain indoors and do nothing. Ive lost my sense of life. I turn to go deep in thoughts and lose myself. Will this pain ever end?. Those that know the pain of losing a parent say with time i will be fine. I honestly doubt. The relationship I had with my dad was more than just a dad and daughter relationship. I've lost the will to do anything. I miss you pops. I love you so much daddy.

No Feelings I'm Numb

I don't even know what heading to give to this page. You know when one is hit by tragedy, first people to support you should be your immediate family. Well ke on my case friends became my immediate family. I recently lost my dad, the only person who gets me proper, the only man I trust In  this physical world. I went to hospital every weekend, not even my own mother would ask hows your dad or how is your journey or let alone how are you? Huh aint mothers supposed to be our backbones though? Well I guess I aint the lucky. As for my siblings well we don't share the same father so I guess it's that thing of argh we also went through the same thing, so you can also survive. Growing up huh? Then yall say your immediate family is your true family. Oh ok alright! My dad passed. Did anyone ask how are you, how are you doing, what's the plan, funeral arrangements? Well none. Not even the so called causins. In such situations I believe this is where families come together and help each other to deal with this ordeal. I went from A to Z alone. Not even a single sole from my mother's family said or did anything. Maybe it's true that you would never understand untill it happens to you. Do I blame them? Nope. Do I forget? Hell No. You see a family that has favorites neh? It never comes together. A family with people who think they are better than the others, never come together. Basically there's no love and respect. We need to learn to respect each other's hustles and appreciate the little things they do or give. Share simple happy moments together. I know they don't like my father and they never did but what they did was Savage😪. To date none has said anything even my own mother. But well it's life after all right?. I'm going through this whole situation alone and I'm honestly trying so hard to be fine. Thanks to supportive friends and dads siblings. Rakgadi, Rangwane Kea leboga. It will never be the same I know but hey I'm learning day by day. Going through counseling for abuse encountered from my then husband and the loss of my father and Im doing OK. It will take time but I know I will be good. I try by all means to write all this hurt so that I can release it from my heart and live better🤗🌺💖. I myself am not an angel. I have my own wrongs and I hope if there's anything wrong I did that I didn't notice, please tell me and I will humbly apologize🌞.  I sometimes contamplate on suicide because of all this, especially when there's no support from home and everyone just gives you the look and say nothing. God kele ngwana wa gao ketla mo pele ga Gago, ke kgopela maatla, bohlale le bophelo. Amen🎗️🙏

Dear Dad...

Everything was fine, everything was going ok. How did we get to this stage? Is this really happening? Vele i lost you? Just like that? Dude the pain you left me with i cant bare it. Its way too painful daddy. I want to believe that you are in a better place now. Where theres no pain. Yes pops you were in so much pain i didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to talk to you. But i was always there by your side. You couldn't even see me properly, you only knew it was me because of my voice. I watched you every weekend screaming in pain. It was way much for me to handle. However I've never thought that you would leave me. I prayed day in and out. The last time i saw you was the most painful day of my life. How you were screaming of pain  how you were breathing. You didn't even look like the guy i know. My best friend... Ive never lived my life not even a week would pass without us talking. Now no you and i dont know how to begin. Daddy ntse ole strong hlem, what happened? Theres so much i wanted to tell you. The last weekend i saw you i asked you to heal and you said ketla leka ngwanaka... Those words they gave me hope daddy. I held your fingers and your vibrating yeeer. Kanty that was your goodbye. You know im your girl and without you things are gonna be hard. 💞 Dude can i see you one last time ke??? Papa.. Love you soo much... And you know that!

Gift of Giving

Rebecca Masina

Amukelani Rikhotso (25) a young lady from Ivory park, Midrand, has managed to do what most youths of today couldn’t do. She’s young but already thinking ahead. Youths at her age are already thinking of alcohol, what to wear and who to milk. Amu is one of a kind. She decided to start her own business (Amus Hair Therapy) where she sells wigs and Brazilian weaves. The business so far is doing well and she’s not giving up. She says her motivation is money and laughs.

The Good out of Amu.

Amukelani decided to give back to the community with the little that she has. Mind you she is not from a rich or a well-established family. All that she is doing is to create a better life and living for herself and family. Isn’t what all youths are supposed to be doing, since well it is almost impossible getting a job these days if you don’t know anyone is any industry.

Today she has decided to start an initiative #TakeAGirlToMatricDance, here she makes sure that girls from different schools that cannot afford to go to matric dance are able to go there. She provided them with hair, makeup, and dresses.

Amus Inspirations

She wishes to see her business grow into something big and her being able to help those who cannot help themselves. Amukelani also wishes to build a home for the disadvantaged and abused. Not everyone can do what she is doing; it definitely has to be from the heart.

Those who would like to contact her can do so, on the following contacts

Contract: 0718151253

Email: amu1.rikhotso@gmail.com

My BABY FIRST

 

By Rebecca Masina

 

 

We fall in love, and it is all great and all that.  All the confusions go away. You love more than anything as if he has bought you the heaven on earth. Making it easier to stand on both feet. It hurts but feels so damn good right? You don’t know what to do because you are so in love and the feeling it’s indescribable. It is so sweet that you know what, you say screw condom. Screw protection. It's soo nice so precious so amazing.

Months down the line you are pregnant and then the reality kicks in. He kicks you out of his place. What have you done? You left your apartment that your parents were paying for you to stay at. You went on to live with him without telling your parents that you now have a boyfriend and you live with him why?? Because you knew they wouldn't allow fat n sit right? It hurts yet it is great. That the feeling you get when you are in love.

The world becomes the best place to live in. After he has kicked you out with your three months tummy and you have lost your job, you now resort to going back home and tell your parents that you are expecting and the father of your child is not interested. What are we doing to our parent's though? They sent us to school to better our lives and we give them masepa as a thank you.

However with that said, ladies, the best thing to do is to put your baby first, and the rest shall come later. No need to rush. No need to feel like you need a man to keep your life going. And the most important fact that ladies should know is that it is a blessing to have a child but only when the blessing came at the right time.

Put your baby first. Men later,

 

Remember no one makes the other one pregnant but the both of you made a baby. You know very well the results of unprotected sex. Don’t act.

Do not give babies to girlfriends and boyfriends,

Lesson learned the hard way

Beautiful Young Lady

By Rebecca Masina

Beautiful, as you are you still don’t know what you want in life but a man to keep you busy? Mara why?  How about you seek someone who’s going to instil self-love and appreciation than to make you think that you are nothing without them? Ausy you deserve better than you think you do. Choose education and success before men. Men will always be there. It’s not like when you choose to go to school and become independent you going to find them dead or taken.

Raetsa, if he’s not yours he aint yours lovey. Stop forcing. You are only 22 years of age but already crying about a man who doesn’t give you attention, keng wa gafa? Do you know what your age mates are thinking about? Career objectives, books, cars, clothes and success and wena you are here thinking about a man whose not even your age but your parents age. Are you sure you are ok? We not judging but hey. There’s more to life than men nana. The worst thing about all this is that, the man that you are crying about is married and has a family and he’s educated with master’s degree in engineering. Wena dololo. 

Wake up, phaphama love. Most girls would die to have their own hoses, cars and great careers. But wena all you do is to think about a man who’s not giving you attention at the age of 22? Huh. A lady should be self-motivated and men should be running after you while you walking with your six inch heels babe and some Brazilian or Peruvian weave lovey.  

Do not neglect yourself because of love, hell no love won’t pay bills and definitely men won give you success. At least if you were with a guy that advices you to go to school and get your degree in whatever you are ambitious about. Unless wena you are ambitious about him then aretse. 

Skado you are still young and deserve much more than a man who is married with kids and only gives you attention when he wants your ass.  Fortunately you don’t have a kid with him, move on and look for your age mates, people who will instil morals in your head, self-love and intelligent. Remember kuku ya hao won’t work for you forever but your education will take you an long way. 

REJECTION

By Rebecca

Rejection is the most painful yet the best lesson in life. Have you ever been rejected? It doesn’t not matter how you get rejected but hey it really hit the nerve hey. The pain you get from being rejected is super deep. It’s like you have been stabbed with a sharp knife. We all in some way have been rejected and we all handle rejection differently.

Love… something so nice yet very hard to find. Something so amazing yet comes with the biggest hurt ever. We mostly love where we are not loved and we turn to not even notice that until we are hurt or rejected. I don’t think there is master of handling rejection. If you are there contact us, share with us on how to handle it.

It is said and believed that where we are lived we don’t love. Well there’s always a lesson there hey. Have you ever had a time where you thought you and that person are dating but ai ke that person is on some friend zone tip? Well that on its own its rejection at best.

We later realized that being single and minding your own business is actually the best and let love come when it’s ready and you as well.  I thin rejection is a lesson for us to put focus on ourselves and live life to the fullest.

Tae note, rejection hurts big time.

Young Single Mother

By Rebecca Masina

The worst that any women be of young or old is to have her kids growing up without their father. We all want whats best for our kids but sometimes the situation does not allow us. Some we grew up not knowing what a father is, so we practically fail in that department. We dream to have our dads by our sides every minute to guide us there and there. Yeap we do know that mothers are the best and the strongest, but hey that daddy we also need just for assurance and love. A daughters best friends is her daddy right?

What you did not know is that we/women don’t choose to be single mothers. Sometimes we learn the hard way. No regrets, we love what we have, what we have been blessed with. Careful, single mothers are way protective over their kids. They hold the end of the needle and sharp knife with confidence. All that just to protect their kids.

Ooh yes it is what it is. Today we are grown and know a lot, most probably more that our parents (joking). Just because you became parents at an early age it doesn’t mean the end of your dreams. We/women study, get degrees and work hard, become entrepreneurs and successful young women and motivators. We don’t let anything to hold us back. We are self-motivated and willing to go an extra mile to fulfill our dreams. We doing us. Making our parents and kids proud.

Just because they left you with a child or children it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be loved or be in relationship. Yes you have learnt a lot but that’s life and you cannot control it. Embrace life so you could be happy. Embrace happiness my sister. Be you, be happy. Live life to the fullest but not to prove a point to anyone. Do you. Be proud of being a young, motivated mother.

With that said, it doesn’t mean that just because you now have a child, you cannot get love, you cannot be appreciated and all.  Single mothers also deserve love and to be treated like queens. Yes they have failed relationships with kids, whom some of you who don’t know anything about blessings call them baggage.   Well it’s unto you to love her with her kid but NO she won’t choose you over her child. It doesn’t work like that. 

Look into HIM

Look into HIM

By Rebecca Masina

We may not all believe in God, but to those who do, I am pretty sure that you will understand this.

It is hard to live in this world today. Many of teenagers and youths we all resort to suicide when things do not go our own way, which it is not a good choice. There are a lot of things that one can do but not suicide. There’s always help out there. We all go through different challenges, some are easy, some are hard to deal with but we do not resort to suicide. The most painful thing is being an orphan and having no one to talk to. It hurts, not a bit but very hard. It’s more like being stabbed with sharp knife just next to the heart.

Have you tried talking to God? That’s if you do believe in HIM. Some may say the same God we pray took our parents away from us, and some may say He never responds. It’s been years and till today He’s been quiet. What kind of God does that? Why me? Those are some of the questions that most of us will be asking ourselves. But we know Gods timing is always the best. Take a deep breath and think about what good you have to this far. What the Great Lord has done for you. Life itself is something big that you should be thankful for.

How about you Try Again,, And This Time Try With God. Believe and trust.

Look into him. 

Be the best version of you

By Rebecca Masina

Aint you tired of always envying other people’s lives? Well I am not saying that it is wrong to envy other people or any good thing. Don’t you think that it is time for you to make yourself more visible? More reliable to important people in your life? How about self-motivating yourself?

Well I personally think that you can be the best version of yourself and let yourself be envied as well.  Change your life not for the bad but also for the best. Do something that you never thought that you are capable of doing. Challenge yourself.

Allow yourself to dream and make things possible. Allow yourself to be criticizedWell today it is the last Friday of the year. Have you ever thought about what you want to have achieved by next year this time?

We learn that way. Be with people who are positive and only willing to grow and not bad mouth e=very thing they walk past or see.

Allow positivity to run your life.  Love and be loved. Respect and be respected. You give what you want to be given back.

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us”. Joseph Campbell

HAPPY NEW YEAR!